Justin Milner ~ Julie Gilbert ~ Joseph Milner
Since my mom and I had to travel to Detroit on Thursday and I had no internet access, I wasn't able to do my blog last night. However, I was preparing for writing this one, because it will most likely be one of the most difficult. I've actually been contemplating this entry since I began writing this "grateful" blog. It has taken me all this time to be able to put my feelings about our children into words.
Also, this should be my last, as my intent was for 20 days of journaling, however, the Lord has continued to lay people on my heart, and I intend to be obedient...so, until I'm done, you'll be reading about more of the folks I am grateful for.
Our children...
Also, this should be my last, as my intent was for 20 days of journaling, however, the Lord has continued to lay people on my heart, and I intend to be obedient...so, until I'm done, you'll be reading about more of the folks I am grateful for.
Our children...
First: As most folks who know us, know (and some may find out here): I did not give birth to these children...but I really do not think I could love them any more if I had. We became a part of each others lives in 2003, and I officially became their "step-mom" in 2004. We have spent a decade getting to know each other, and for the younger 2, this means more than half their lifetime so far.
Justin is our oldest, and at 24 years old, he has accomplished a great deal more than most his age...and even some older. When I think about him, I can't help but admire how talented he is with his hands. I'm so not surprised by this, because between his father, and both grandfathers (Grandpa Eagle and Grandpa Milner) he has had some excellent instruction and mentors. I'm sure he's learned from a great many others as well, but I believe his love of "taking apart and putting together" must at least stem from those 3 men. He is a homeowner, and has been for quite a few years. Calling the house he bought a "fixer-upper" or a "handyman's dream" would be an understatement - and I'm pretty sure he'd agree! He, and his wonderful girlfriend, Nicole, have made the house, a home. Doing all of the work themselves, all the while BOTH working at full-time (and then some) jobs. I remember the look of pride on his father's face when we came bearing gifts one birthday - and what does one buy for young people who are doing renovations? WALLBOARD, what else? As Justin took his dad through the house and started to show hime what needed to be done, as well as what had been done, Jeff's look of pride and joy was like a neon light in the room. Whenever we have needed help with things around our house, Justin could always be counted on to step up and do what he could. I recall a moment of panic when we were preparing for our roadtrip to California. The Friday before we planned to leave on Monday - the water pump just quit! We knew we couldn't leave it in that state for almost a month, but how were we going to pay for a new pump AND for someone to install it on such short notice AND on the weekend? Jeff placed his first, and only call to his oldest son, and after work that afternoon, he showed up, ready to take a look. It was beyond repair, but he promised if we purchased a new one, he would return on Saturday to install it. True to his word, Justin and Nicole showed up, toolbox in hand, and ready to go. A few hours later, the water was pumping and we were enjoying Subway and laughing...and a job well done - as the pump still pumps as we speak.
This is just one small example of his kindness to us over the years, and we will always be grateful for his willing heart. He is not one to play games, or tell a person what they want to hear. Justin tells it like it is - like it or not...and he comes by that trait honestly! That is a refreshing attribute in these days where people will just tell you what you want to hear so they can get what they want from you. Justin has worked hard for what he has, and isn't that child with his hand out for help everytime something goes wrong. Even when we hear about things he may need help with, Justin is reluctant to accept help from us. As his parents, though this might frustrate us because it is our JOB to help...it also makes us proud to see that he is self reliant and self sufficient. We only wish that there was more time that we could spend together, but right now, we understand that Justin's priorities are keeping him focused and on the track to a successful adulthood. For that, and so many other things, we are very proud of him, we love him, and more than anything, we miss him. We pray he knows.
My beautful Julie...where do you start with one who shares your very heart? My first glimpse of this little pixie with long, blonde (not too straight...nice try, Dad!)braids and big, hazel eyes, was the day I knew my heart was no longer mine...at least not all of it. This little girl stole a great big piece of it! There are so many stories of good times spent together, having wonderful times and enjoying the process of becoming a family. Likewise, there are porbably just as many sad stories of tough times, tears and frustration of becoming a family. The term "blended" family fits - because some of the time we were whipped around in a frenzy, not knowing what was happening, and having no control of when it would end. The beatiful thing was , the tough times ALWAYS ended...and ended with us becoming even closer than we were before. One such season stands out, and that was the year that Jeff and I made the difficult decision to hoomeschool Julie...when I say tough, I mean TOUGH! And when I say Jeff and I homeschooled her, I mean I homeschooled her! It all started at the beginning of 10th grade, with a bully and a guest teacher fresh out of college. Anyone who knows Julie, knows that child goes to school sick because there is a big test to take. She doesn't miss for ANYTHING. Well, when she started to miss because of "stomach aches" with no other symptoms, and came home in tears on a regular basis, we knew something was up. Unfortunately, the school was little help, and we had NO INTENTION of subjecting our daughter to this bullying for even one more day. We purchased all her text books and starting in November, I became "Amy Milner...teacher". Thankfully, we had friends (namely, The Kirksey's) who homeschooled their children, with plenty of wisdom from which we could glean . I was more scared than I ever let on (I hope), and I think Julie was a little apprehensive as well. We would be spending our weeks together - pretty much 24/7...what would this do to our relationship? As the days and weeks went by, we found our footing and our rhythm and homeschooling became normal in our house. Just as I had hoped and prayed for, this time drew us closer and closer together. Since she only had to do her 4 core curriculum at home, we could add some additional things to her education that public schools have long since abandoned. First - we added a devotions and bible time, to go along with her piano lessons. We learned a great deal together, and spent time in prayer most days. We also incorporated Home Economics...a now extinct course of study in our public schools (at least at Reeths-Puffer) and yet, so very necessary. Part of her time was spent learning to clean at Grandma Milner's , where she also earned an hourly wage. I'm pretty sure there was more time chatting than cleaning, but it made Grandma happy to have her, it made Julie happy to be learning something and earning some cash, and I was just happy because they were both happy! Julie's time at home also gave us lots of time to talk and share things and even travel a bit. We were able to make some quick trips to Detroit to visit family, and since we made it a "geography lesson" nobody got marked absent! By the time the year was coming to a close, we knew our decision to homeschool Julie had been a good one. She was more confident and secure in her own skin than ever before. She wasn't one of those caddy girls making other girls lives miserable just because they can. We let her make the decision as to whether or not she wished to return to school, or stay a student of "Milner Academy". As we were pretty confident she would, Julie chose to go backto RPHS in the fall. Her bully had since been expelled, or quit..I can't recall which..but he was gone. And I really don't think it would have mattered if he was still there. Our daughter had become strong, independent and a force to be reckoned with. We packed up her year's worth of schoolwork, tests and projects, and delivered them to Mr. Beckemen - principal at RPHS. When Julie received her report card, I was as excited as she was...WE PASSED EVERYTHING!! While we were proud she had made the decision to return to school in the fall, I was a little sad to see my student move on...I had grown to look forward to our days together, because in the end, it wasn't just I who taught her. Not by a longshot. Julie taught me more in that short school year than I had learned about her since the day I met her. I think it was then that our relationship became a bond...that of mother and daughter - regardless of blood type!
Joseph...Joey...Joe...our baby, and now - the only child at home. Joe was just a mere 4 years old when we met. By the time Jeff and I had married, he had turned 5. Getting to know Joey was an exercise in patience! Just when I think I had him figured out, he opened his mouth one more time! My mom recently told me the story of their first encounter. Jeff had brought the children to Romulus to visit a few times while we dated, so that we could all get to know each other. It was very important to both of us that the children were as involved with our relationship as we were, and that we all liked each other. Our year of courtship never included a dinner for 2! Nope - we were party of 4 at every event, and I wouldn't have changed it for the world. Jeff and I must have been in a different room at the time, because I know I wasn't privy to this conversation. My mom decided to put a video in for Joey to watch, in the hopes he might stop getting into everything and BE QUIET! She asked him what kind of videos and movies he liked, and without missing a beat he replied, "I only watch movies rated R or higher". "Well, then" Grandma A replied, "I guess you're gonna be pretty bored here, because we only have rated PG and lower!" Joey had established his "tough guy" personality at the age of 4! I'd like to say things got easier after we were married...but I'd be lying. I brought structure and stability...Joey enjoyed chaos and destruction. TV, his once constant companion, became a privilege to be earned by doing homework and chores. No more tv till the bus came, tv after school and tv till bed time and tv in bed. I took Joey's best friend away and relegated them spending no more than one hour a day together. Homework, you say? "Well, dad never asked if I had any, so I never did any"...as was evident by his inability to spell his name or even read the simplest of text books. So we jumped in with both feet and did the hard work - together. From the start of 2nd grade, Joey was in the lowest reading group in the class, and was one of the most challenged readers in that group. By the time he was ready for 3rd grade and Jeff and I sat in front of Ms. Nash during conferences, Joey had worked his way to highest reading group in the class - and was the classes top reader. That year was filled with tears and frustration...and Joey cried too! But I saw a little boy who was just desperate for the attention he was now receiving, blossoming into a young man gaining confidence day by day. Each year of elementary and intermediate school thereafter, Joey was on the honor roll, and earned student of the month multiple times. A very poigniant moment for me, was when Joey came to me on Mother's Day, after church. The church we were then attending had honored all the mother's by asking them to stand and giving each a carnation. When we arrived home and were getting ready for lunch, Joey approached me and with all the love in his eyes he said, "I think I want to start calling you mom, k"? Shock, surprise, joy...just a few of the emotions that pulsed through me at the moment. We had been told from the very beginning of our relationship that the children should always decide what to call thier step-parent, and should never be forced to call them anything that they were not comfortable with. Our kids had all called me Amy from the start...and that was fine with me. We never discussed the topic at all. Over the next few weeks, Joey experimented with remembering to call me "mom". After a few minor slips, mom became the norm, and I've been so ever since. What brings us more joy than his progress in education however, is his desire to serve the Lord. From his young days in Sunday school where his teachers would come to us and say "did you know that Joey gave $10 in the offering today"? because he had received a birthday card with cash in it, to his most recent service as a Deco TEC "talkista" where the adults - one after the other - came to his dad and I with compliments, saying, "you should be so proud of your son - he is truly a servant of the Most High." Words that make all the tough parenting times worth it!
So, our children - hardly just scratching the surface about them here...but I'm saving some of my memories just for myself. Who knew, when doctors told me all those years ago that I would never have children, that I would one day, be the proudest of mothers? The Lord knew that even though they needed me, I really needed them just as much.
Justin, Julie and Joe - I love you with all my heart. I am grateful that the Lord brought us together in such a unique and miraculous way. I pray God's protection over each of you, every single day. I hope you know how proud your dad and I are of you, and how we look forward to what the next season of all of our lives will bring.
Our beautiful children...in 2009 and again in 2012!
Nicole, Justin, Julie & Joe
Justin is our oldest, and at 24 years old, he has accomplished a great deal more than most his age...and even some older. When I think about him, I can't help but admire how talented he is with his hands. I'm so not surprised by this, because between his father, and both grandfathers (Grandpa Eagle and Grandpa Milner) he has had some excellent instruction and mentors. I'm sure he's learned from a great many others as well, but I believe his love of "taking apart and putting together" must at least stem from those 3 men. He is a homeowner, and has been for quite a few years. Calling the house he bought a "fixer-upper" or a "handyman's dream" would be an understatement - and I'm pretty sure he'd agree! He, and his wonderful girlfriend, Nicole, have made the house, a home. Doing all of the work themselves, all the while BOTH working at full-time (and then some) jobs. I remember the look of pride on his father's face when we came bearing gifts one birthday - and what does one buy for young people who are doing renovations? WALLBOARD, what else? As Justin took his dad through the house and started to show hime what needed to be done, as well as what had been done, Jeff's look of pride and joy was like a neon light in the room. Whenever we have needed help with things around our house, Justin could always be counted on to step up and do what he could. I recall a moment of panic when we were preparing for our roadtrip to California. The Friday before we planned to leave on Monday - the water pump just quit! We knew we couldn't leave it in that state for almost a month, but how were we going to pay for a new pump AND for someone to install it on such short notice AND on the weekend? Jeff placed his first, and only call to his oldest son, and after work that afternoon, he showed up, ready to take a look. It was beyond repair, but he promised if we purchased a new one, he would return on Saturday to install it. True to his word, Justin and Nicole showed up, toolbox in hand, and ready to go. A few hours later, the water was pumping and we were enjoying Subway and laughing...and a job well done - as the pump still pumps as we speak.
This is just one small example of his kindness to us over the years, and we will always be grateful for his willing heart. He is not one to play games, or tell a person what they want to hear. Justin tells it like it is - like it or not...and he comes by that trait honestly! That is a refreshing attribute in these days where people will just tell you what you want to hear so they can get what they want from you. Justin has worked hard for what he has, and isn't that child with his hand out for help everytime something goes wrong. Even when we hear about things he may need help with, Justin is reluctant to accept help from us. As his parents, though this might frustrate us because it is our JOB to help...it also makes us proud to see that he is self reliant and self sufficient. We only wish that there was more time that we could spend together, but right now, we understand that Justin's priorities are keeping him focused and on the track to a successful adulthood. For that, and so many other things, we are very proud of him, we love him, and more than anything, we miss him. We pray he knows.
My beautful Julie...where do you start with one who shares your very heart? My first glimpse of this little pixie with long, blonde (not too straight...nice try, Dad!)braids and big, hazel eyes, was the day I knew my heart was no longer mine...at least not all of it. This little girl stole a great big piece of it! There are so many stories of good times spent together, having wonderful times and enjoying the process of becoming a family. Likewise, there are porbably just as many sad stories of tough times, tears and frustration of becoming a family. The term "blended" family fits - because some of the time we were whipped around in a frenzy, not knowing what was happening, and having no control of when it would end. The beatiful thing was , the tough times ALWAYS ended...and ended with us becoming even closer than we were before. One such season stands out, and that was the year that Jeff and I made the difficult decision to hoomeschool Julie...when I say tough, I mean TOUGH! And when I say Jeff and I homeschooled her, I mean I homeschooled her! It all started at the beginning of 10th grade, with a bully and a guest teacher fresh out of college. Anyone who knows Julie, knows that child goes to school sick because there is a big test to take. She doesn't miss for ANYTHING. Well, when she started to miss because of "stomach aches" with no other symptoms, and came home in tears on a regular basis, we knew something was up. Unfortunately, the school was little help, and we had NO INTENTION of subjecting our daughter to this bullying for even one more day. We purchased all her text books and starting in November, I became "Amy Milner...teacher". Thankfully, we had friends (namely, The Kirksey's) who homeschooled their children, with plenty of wisdom from which we could glean . I was more scared than I ever let on (I hope), and I think Julie was a little apprehensive as well. We would be spending our weeks together - pretty much 24/7...what would this do to our relationship? As the days and weeks went by, we found our footing and our rhythm and homeschooling became normal in our house. Just as I had hoped and prayed for, this time drew us closer and closer together. Since she only had to do her 4 core curriculum at home, we could add some additional things to her education that public schools have long since abandoned. First - we added a devotions and bible time, to go along with her piano lessons. We learned a great deal together, and spent time in prayer most days. We also incorporated Home Economics...a now extinct course of study in our public schools (at least at Reeths-Puffer) and yet, so very necessary. Part of her time was spent learning to clean at Grandma Milner's , where she also earned an hourly wage. I'm pretty sure there was more time chatting than cleaning, but it made Grandma happy to have her, it made Julie happy to be learning something and earning some cash, and I was just happy because they were both happy! Julie's time at home also gave us lots of time to talk and share things and even travel a bit. We were able to make some quick trips to Detroit to visit family, and since we made it a "geography lesson" nobody got marked absent! By the time the year was coming to a close, we knew our decision to homeschool Julie had been a good one. She was more confident and secure in her own skin than ever before. She wasn't one of those caddy girls making other girls lives miserable just because they can. We let her make the decision as to whether or not she wished to return to school, or stay a student of "Milner Academy". As we were pretty confident she would, Julie chose to go backto RPHS in the fall. Her bully had since been expelled, or quit..I can't recall which..but he was gone. And I really don't think it would have mattered if he was still there. Our daughter had become strong, independent and a force to be reckoned with. We packed up her year's worth of schoolwork, tests and projects, and delivered them to Mr. Beckemen - principal at RPHS. When Julie received her report card, I was as excited as she was...WE PASSED EVERYTHING!! While we were proud she had made the decision to return to school in the fall, I was a little sad to see my student move on...I had grown to look forward to our days together, because in the end, it wasn't just I who taught her. Not by a longshot. Julie taught me more in that short school year than I had learned about her since the day I met her. I think it was then that our relationship became a bond...that of mother and daughter - regardless of blood type!
Joseph...Joey...Joe...our baby, and now - the only child at home. Joe was just a mere 4 years old when we met. By the time Jeff and I had married, he had turned 5. Getting to know Joey was an exercise in patience! Just when I think I had him figured out, he opened his mouth one more time! My mom recently told me the story of their first encounter. Jeff had brought the children to Romulus to visit a few times while we dated, so that we could all get to know each other. It was very important to both of us that the children were as involved with our relationship as we were, and that we all liked each other. Our year of courtship never included a dinner for 2! Nope - we were party of 4 at every event, and I wouldn't have changed it for the world. Jeff and I must have been in a different room at the time, because I know I wasn't privy to this conversation. My mom decided to put a video in for Joey to watch, in the hopes he might stop getting into everything and BE QUIET! She asked him what kind of videos and movies he liked, and without missing a beat he replied, "I only watch movies rated R or higher". "Well, then" Grandma A replied, "I guess you're gonna be pretty bored here, because we only have rated PG and lower!" Joey had established his "tough guy" personality at the age of 4! I'd like to say things got easier after we were married...but I'd be lying. I brought structure and stability...Joey enjoyed chaos and destruction. TV, his once constant companion, became a privilege to be earned by doing homework and chores. No more tv till the bus came, tv after school and tv till bed time and tv in bed. I took Joey's best friend away and relegated them spending no more than one hour a day together. Homework, you say? "Well, dad never asked if I had any, so I never did any"...as was evident by his inability to spell his name or even read the simplest of text books. So we jumped in with both feet and did the hard work - together. From the start of 2nd grade, Joey was in the lowest reading group in the class, and was one of the most challenged readers in that group. By the time he was ready for 3rd grade and Jeff and I sat in front of Ms. Nash during conferences, Joey had worked his way to highest reading group in the class - and was the classes top reader. That year was filled with tears and frustration...and Joey cried too! But I saw a little boy who was just desperate for the attention he was now receiving, blossoming into a young man gaining confidence day by day. Each year of elementary and intermediate school thereafter, Joey was on the honor roll, and earned student of the month multiple times. A very poigniant moment for me, was when Joey came to me on Mother's Day, after church. The church we were then attending had honored all the mother's by asking them to stand and giving each a carnation. When we arrived home and were getting ready for lunch, Joey approached me and with all the love in his eyes he said, "I think I want to start calling you mom, k"? Shock, surprise, joy...just a few of the emotions that pulsed through me at the moment. We had been told from the very beginning of our relationship that the children should always decide what to call thier step-parent, and should never be forced to call them anything that they were not comfortable with. Our kids had all called me Amy from the start...and that was fine with me. We never discussed the topic at all. Over the next few weeks, Joey experimented with remembering to call me "mom". After a few minor slips, mom became the norm, and I've been so ever since. What brings us more joy than his progress in education however, is his desire to serve the Lord. From his young days in Sunday school where his teachers would come to us and say "did you know that Joey gave $10 in the offering today"? because he had received a birthday card with cash in it, to his most recent service as a Deco TEC "talkista" where the adults - one after the other - came to his dad and I with compliments, saying, "you should be so proud of your son - he is truly a servant of the Most High." Words that make all the tough parenting times worth it!
So, our children - hardly just scratching the surface about them here...but I'm saving some of my memories just for myself. Who knew, when doctors told me all those years ago that I would never have children, that I would one day, be the proudest of mothers? The Lord knew that even though they needed me, I really needed them just as much.
Justin, Julie and Joe - I love you with all my heart. I am grateful that the Lord brought us together in such a unique and miraculous way. I pray God's protection over each of you, every single day. I hope you know how proud your dad and I are of you, and how we look forward to what the next season of all of our lives will bring.
Our beautiful children...in 2009 and again in 2012!
What a bunch of great looking kids!!!
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