It's been awhile since I've written, and the direction of my life has changed considerably...but all in good ways. The transformation has been difficult and often painful...but necessary.
Having my mom and dad move to Muskegon has been a blessing in so many ways. The obvious is that I can be closer to them for emergencies and needs, which has proven to be very important over the past few months. It dawned on me on July 4th that it was just a year ago at this time of the year that I began to introduce the idea of them moving to the west side of the state. my mom was relatively compliant, my dad - not so much (which is why I think my mom's compliance was so easily won..she knew my dad was gonna dig in and so no for the both of them anyway!) Fast forward 12 months...here they are, all moved in. Everything in Romulus has been handled, and with the exception of the sale of the house, there are no more ties (excpet familial) to the East side of the state. It has been an exercise in change, challenge, fear, and most of all, exhaustion. I can't be at my mom's house enough it seems. There is always so much to be done or to get ready to be done. Thank God for an understanding husband and an oblivious teenager. The days, weeks and months of sandwiches, hot dogs and the occasional pizza suppers are a testimony to my absence in our home.
Jeff has been more than patient, more than kind and way more understanding than any wife has the right to expect her husband to be. He has needs that I should be meeting here, and instead of that happening, I come home and find a mopped kitchen floor and vacuumed family room, and a sleeping husband - once again. I feel bad, I feel a failure and I fear he won't stand for it much longer.
WHAT DOES A DAUGHTER AND A WIFE DO?
Enter, the Love Dare! It was a few years back that two of my best friends, Karri Gordon and her mom, Linda Strait, began a ladies Bible Study, using the Stormie Omartian boook - the Power of a Praying Wife, and accompanied it with the Love Dare. We met faithfully for almost a year - we missed every now and again, but for the most part, Monday's at 11am would find us sitting around Karri's kitchen table having coffee or an Icee (depending on the season), catching up the week prior and digging into the Word of God and some amazing help from an excellent author on how we can be better wives through prayer. Unfortunately, life got busy, Karri got pregnant, Julie got married, Linda's hours got changed, and BAM...our Mondays are a thing of the past. We spoke often about starting up again and again, only to have something stand in our way, time after time. Eventually, we just quit trying, and soon enough, our weeks were filled with family busyness as never before.
FFWD one year...my folks are all settled in (to the best of all of our abilities), Karri is now the mother of FOUR, with baby Colin getting ready to turn 1, and unfortunately, Ms. Linda still has the difficult work hours...but I'm trying to set a stage-work with me! A new young woman and her husband have been attending our church, and she was looking for ladies to get together and do a Bible Study with, and Karri and I - though we had long stopped talking about it - were always hopeful of starting up again. So, here I am, with a husband who has demonstrated the patience of a saint over the past 12 months, and looking for a Bible Study for myself and two other wives with husbands who are in need of more of their time. The Love Dare it is - but this time, we do the Love Dare solo...not with another study, and not a slow pace - but the 40 days the book calls for. We began on July 1, 2013. I know that so far, it seems that Jeff really doesn't see anything different - but what a change it has made in me! It has reminded me that it is not about hw Jeff reacts - but about how I react to his reaction. The tone of our marriage can be swayed with the tender touch on the hand during dinner prayer, a a quick text that says "I Love You"...especially since he doesn't know how to text a reply!
The girls and I have committed to completing the dare, no matter how busy our schedules get or how ornery our husbands get. We are also committed to holding each other accountable. Thats what has been missing for me - I need accountability to keep me on track. Just like walking 4 time a week, and Ms. Coretta texting and reminding me "So, are you coming?" I have Karri and Dawn who are there reminding me that it isn't about Jeff and his reaction to the things I do or have stopped doing, but how I am day to day - and the same from me to them.
I'm encouraged this far - some days have been much more difficult than others, but each day has been an experience with the Lord and something new to learn about myself or my husband. I'm looking forward to sharing some of the results from our challenge here - as it makes things real once you put it on the internet, right? BonJOUR!
If you are of a mind to - keep the three of us and our husbands in your prayers - we are dedicated to praying for one another, but it is difficult not to pray for myself and my needs during this time, but trusting in my sisters to stand in the gap for me, as I am for them. I'm looking forward to reporting good and positive things over the next days and weeks.
Thank you - with all my heart.
"Normal Day, Let Me Be Aware of the Treasure You Are"
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Sunday, February 24, 2013
and finally..my mom
Today I am grateful for:
From my earliest memories, my mom stands smack dab in the center of my world. I'm the only girl with 3 brothers, so it was just she and I representing for the ladies in the Anderson Household. For me this meant having my own room in a 3 bedroom house..yes, my brothers all shared one room - it looked like military barracks, minus the organization! This also meant a great deal of quality mother/daughter time.
My childhood was a charmed one. I can't even begin to say how grateful I am for that. My house was a home - not only to my family, but to anyone who might need a home at the time. I can recall at least 3 people who lived with us for an extended period of time while they were getting their lives straightened around. This meant sharing Thanksgiving, Christmas and whatever holiday was coming on the calendar with a stranger. My mom made our home a place of safety. I never felt afraid or unloved in my home. We may not have had alot, but what we had, my mom kept nice.
We spent the months during the school year pretty heavily scheduled. My mom is a fan of planning ahead. The summers were a bit different. We would take the days one at a time and depending on the weather or something that was going on in the family, the day would plan itself.
Some of my favorite memories are of the summers we spent Up North. I know that the term "up north" means something different to everyone. To us, "Up North" meant going to Grandpa and Grandmas cottage in Cheboygan, right on Lake Huron. Oh how we would be so excited to get into one of our old Buicks for a six hour ride filled with "are we there yet?' or "he's touching me!" When finally we would hit 31 North, it was a matter of miles before UTA Lane was upon us. Turning into the woods, it seemed we were going into the wilderness, but then a maze of roads and cottages would appear, and as we came down the hill on Uta Lane, the lake would come into view - so beautiful and blue. We couldn't wait to get out of the car to get to the beach. First, to bring everything into the cottage, we began an assembly line. The cottage next door was owned by my Grandpa's sister and brother in law - Uncle Steve and Aunt Adelia...and their scary dog, "Cookie". Cookie looked like a monster from a horror movie. He was a beach dog and stayed outdoors most of the time. Technically, his coat was white - but a nice creamy tan was as good as that was getting. He was matted with leaves and beach grass and smelled like fish. I was afraid of Cookie!
Once we got everything into the cottage, it was to the beach! After all, thats why we were there. I'm about to frighten some of my younger readers - you might want to skip the rest of this paragraph if you were born in the 80's or later. The reason we wanted to get right to the beach was because there was no cable or satellite (which was really not a problem, since there wasn't a tv either). There was no computer or internet service, and no telephone for that matter. There was no jungle gym, swings or activity center...we were on the lake! My mom would always take us into town to the local Ben Franklin store to get some arts and crafts for the rainy days. Otherwise, we had board games, Rook and all the Dominos we could play. The time we spent together up north were some of the best in my life. I remember the day after we buried our little brother, our family went to the cottage just to get away for a few days, and how different it was to have only 5 and not 6 people there. My mom always made our trips a time of good fun and excitement.
Other summer excursions to places like Belle Isle, Boblo Island, Greenfield Village & Henry Ford Museum and of course, Cedar Pointe - all such a treat to us because we didn't make these trips frequently. She always made sure we had a fun time.
I was always overweight as a child and into my teens, as was my mom. We tried with so many diets and programs for weight loss over the years that I have no idea how we stayed so heavy. It wouldn't matter what she was doing at the time. If I was upset at my weight and made the decision to start another diet, my mom would be right ther by my side, preparing the food and getting the information we needed. We really tried so hard, and we would lose some weight, only to put it back on, and a few more. Finally in 1988, we were introduced to Douglas Hess, MD. He practiced out of Bowling Green, Ohio and he was a pioneer in what is now called "gastric bypass" surgery. Back then it was something much more barbaric called stomach stapling. I remember the visit to his office when my mom asked him the only question that mattered to her at the time. If I have the surgery, will my daughter be able to have the surgery too? Her biggest concern was not to lose weight to be healthy for herself - but that she not leave me alone to be overweight. At that time, nobody under the age of 18 had ever had the surgery, so Dr. Hess had to do some research and some pretty extensive testing on me. In the end, it was actually the diagnosis of Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis (JRA) that pushed him to say yes. One of the main reasons he did not like to operate on teens was because they are still in the process of growing and changing. However, one side effect of JRA is that growth is typically stunted and stops around the age of 14. I was already as tall as I was ever going to be, and hadn't really grown (except in my weight, of course) since I was 13. So, May 10, 1988 - my best friend Angie's birthday, was the day my life changed forever, and I know my mom would agree. She asked that I have surgery first, and when I came out and she knew I was ok, she went in for hers. This was quite an ordeal to go through - and once again, we were going through it together. As we both lost weight over the course of the next 12months, it was so fun and exciting to buy clotes in sizes that I had never worn before. I went from little girl clothing right to women's size moomoos. This was such great time for my mom and I - though we met with some prejudice from those who were convinced that we were just lazy and if we wanted to lose weight, all we had to do was stop eating. We learned something from Dr. Hess that we hadn't known before. Food, like alcohol, cigarettes and drugs to some is an addiction. The problem with an addiction to food is that unlike alcohol or drugs, we need food to survive. A person can quit drinking or smoking - but one can't quit eating. You really have to decide what you need to live on and see the excess as the addiction. It is much more difficult than many think, and we are so glad that the stigma surrounding the weight loss surgery is much less vocal today than it was when we had it.
When you go through difficult times, it either strengthens a relationship or hinders it. I'm so glad to say that all the tough times have just served to make my relationship with my mom one that is completely unbreakable. She and I have seen each other at our worst and at our best - and we still love each other.
I feel bad because my mom carries much more guilt than she should about things of the past. Remembering that I've forgiven and usually even forgotten is difficult for her. I pray that she finds the strength to forgive herself fully one day. As far as I am concerned, those things were a test and a trick of the enemy to try to get us to give up our walk with Christ and our relationship with each other...TOO BAD!
My mom always has a testimony and a song in her heart that she is ready to share - no matter where she is or who she is with. I'm proud to be her daughter, and when I think about just a little bit of the suffering that she has endured in her lifetime, I get sad. She deserves happiness at this time in her life more than anyone I know. She has proven herself to be the Proverbs 31 woman in every way. She is a wife to be admired and emulated by young wives today, she is an awesome mother and grandmother - to her own and any who want to call her grandma. She is an incredible daughter, and so faithful to her mom and dad as they began to need her help in their later years. I know the move to Muskegon was difficult for my om because this meant she wouldn have to give up the serving of her mom and dad - but it was time. There are others willing to step up, and they have. It is time for my mom to be served as she has served others all her life. I'm so glad she is at home at Shekinah Christian. She has been a fixture here since we began the work, and to have her and my dad as a part of the ministry seems to be a divine appointment made so many years ago, fulfilled.
My entry here could go on and on (like it didn't, you say?) and I still couldn't tell all of the ways my mom has been an amazing example to me. I guess the greatest compliment I get is when someone tells me that I'm just like my mom, because I think she is just about the greatest person I know. Regardless of the tough times, our arguments, disagreements and spats - nothing has ever kept us from depending on each other. When the rubber meets the road and I'm really in trouble, she is always there to offer encouragement, advice and help - if only I would take it! I'm proud to say that I learned to accept help as an adult. It makes you much more mature than to fail because you were too proud to admit you didn't know what to do, or made a bad decision and didn't want to get caught in it. I pray that my children will always feel the freedom to come to me with their problems, and that together, with Gods help - we can get through them.
Lord, like so many other people, thank you for sending me the best mom in the world. With all my hurt and suffering, it took someone so special to be my mom through all of that. Thank you for not only making us mother and daughter, but for making us friends - in You. Bless her, heal her body and strengthen her in every way. Bring her the joy of her salvation one more time, and give us what we need, only for the day. Thank you for knowing the kind of mom I would need, and for giving her to me.
I love you mom!
Rebecca Anderson
I've really been thinking and praying about this particular post - because I want to do it justice. I pray that my mom feels the love and sincerity and most of all, the gratitude with which this is being written.From my earliest memories, my mom stands smack dab in the center of my world. I'm the only girl with 3 brothers, so it was just she and I representing for the ladies in the Anderson Household. For me this meant having my own room in a 3 bedroom house..yes, my brothers all shared one room - it looked like military barracks, minus the organization! This also meant a great deal of quality mother/daughter time.
My childhood was a charmed one. I can't even begin to say how grateful I am for that. My house was a home - not only to my family, but to anyone who might need a home at the time. I can recall at least 3 people who lived with us for an extended period of time while they were getting their lives straightened around. This meant sharing Thanksgiving, Christmas and whatever holiday was coming on the calendar with a stranger. My mom made our home a place of safety. I never felt afraid or unloved in my home. We may not have had alot, but what we had, my mom kept nice.
We spent the months during the school year pretty heavily scheduled. My mom is a fan of planning ahead. The summers were a bit different. We would take the days one at a time and depending on the weather or something that was going on in the family, the day would plan itself.
Some of my favorite memories are of the summers we spent Up North. I know that the term "up north" means something different to everyone. To us, "Up North" meant going to Grandpa and Grandmas cottage in Cheboygan, right on Lake Huron. Oh how we would be so excited to get into one of our old Buicks for a six hour ride filled with "are we there yet?' or "he's touching me!" When finally we would hit 31 North, it was a matter of miles before UTA Lane was upon us. Turning into the woods, it seemed we were going into the wilderness, but then a maze of roads and cottages would appear, and as we came down the hill on Uta Lane, the lake would come into view - so beautiful and blue. We couldn't wait to get out of the car to get to the beach. First, to bring everything into the cottage, we began an assembly line. The cottage next door was owned by my Grandpa's sister and brother in law - Uncle Steve and Aunt Adelia...and their scary dog, "Cookie". Cookie looked like a monster from a horror movie. He was a beach dog and stayed outdoors most of the time. Technically, his coat was white - but a nice creamy tan was as good as that was getting. He was matted with leaves and beach grass and smelled like fish. I was afraid of Cookie!
Once we got everything into the cottage, it was to the beach! After all, thats why we were there. I'm about to frighten some of my younger readers - you might want to skip the rest of this paragraph if you were born in the 80's or later. The reason we wanted to get right to the beach was because there was no cable or satellite (which was really not a problem, since there wasn't a tv either). There was no computer or internet service, and no telephone for that matter. There was no jungle gym, swings or activity center...we were on the lake! My mom would always take us into town to the local Ben Franklin store to get some arts and crafts for the rainy days. Otherwise, we had board games, Rook and all the Dominos we could play. The time we spent together up north were some of the best in my life. I remember the day after we buried our little brother, our family went to the cottage just to get away for a few days, and how different it was to have only 5 and not 6 people there. My mom always made our trips a time of good fun and excitement.
Other summer excursions to places like Belle Isle, Boblo Island, Greenfield Village & Henry Ford Museum and of course, Cedar Pointe - all such a treat to us because we didn't make these trips frequently. She always made sure we had a fun time.
I was always overweight as a child and into my teens, as was my mom. We tried with so many diets and programs for weight loss over the years that I have no idea how we stayed so heavy. It wouldn't matter what she was doing at the time. If I was upset at my weight and made the decision to start another diet, my mom would be right ther by my side, preparing the food and getting the information we needed. We really tried so hard, and we would lose some weight, only to put it back on, and a few more. Finally in 1988, we were introduced to Douglas Hess, MD. He practiced out of Bowling Green, Ohio and he was a pioneer in what is now called "gastric bypass" surgery. Back then it was something much more barbaric called stomach stapling. I remember the visit to his office when my mom asked him the only question that mattered to her at the time. If I have the surgery, will my daughter be able to have the surgery too? Her biggest concern was not to lose weight to be healthy for herself - but that she not leave me alone to be overweight. At that time, nobody under the age of 18 had ever had the surgery, so Dr. Hess had to do some research and some pretty extensive testing on me. In the end, it was actually the diagnosis of Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis (JRA) that pushed him to say yes. One of the main reasons he did not like to operate on teens was because they are still in the process of growing and changing. However, one side effect of JRA is that growth is typically stunted and stops around the age of 14. I was already as tall as I was ever going to be, and hadn't really grown (except in my weight, of course) since I was 13. So, May 10, 1988 - my best friend Angie's birthday, was the day my life changed forever, and I know my mom would agree. She asked that I have surgery first, and when I came out and she knew I was ok, she went in for hers. This was quite an ordeal to go through - and once again, we were going through it together. As we both lost weight over the course of the next 12months, it was so fun and exciting to buy clotes in sizes that I had never worn before. I went from little girl clothing right to women's size moomoos. This was such great time for my mom and I - though we met with some prejudice from those who were convinced that we were just lazy and if we wanted to lose weight, all we had to do was stop eating. We learned something from Dr. Hess that we hadn't known before. Food, like alcohol, cigarettes and drugs to some is an addiction. The problem with an addiction to food is that unlike alcohol or drugs, we need food to survive. A person can quit drinking or smoking - but one can't quit eating. You really have to decide what you need to live on and see the excess as the addiction. It is much more difficult than many think, and we are so glad that the stigma surrounding the weight loss surgery is much less vocal today than it was when we had it.
When you go through difficult times, it either strengthens a relationship or hinders it. I'm so glad to say that all the tough times have just served to make my relationship with my mom one that is completely unbreakable. She and I have seen each other at our worst and at our best - and we still love each other.
I feel bad because my mom carries much more guilt than she should about things of the past. Remembering that I've forgiven and usually even forgotten is difficult for her. I pray that she finds the strength to forgive herself fully one day. As far as I am concerned, those things were a test and a trick of the enemy to try to get us to give up our walk with Christ and our relationship with each other...TOO BAD!
My mom always has a testimony and a song in her heart that she is ready to share - no matter where she is or who she is with. I'm proud to be her daughter, and when I think about just a little bit of the suffering that she has endured in her lifetime, I get sad. She deserves happiness at this time in her life more than anyone I know. She has proven herself to be the Proverbs 31 woman in every way. She is a wife to be admired and emulated by young wives today, she is an awesome mother and grandmother - to her own and any who want to call her grandma. She is an incredible daughter, and so faithful to her mom and dad as they began to need her help in their later years. I know the move to Muskegon was difficult for my om because this meant she wouldn have to give up the serving of her mom and dad - but it was time. There are others willing to step up, and they have. It is time for my mom to be served as she has served others all her life. I'm so glad she is at home at Shekinah Christian. She has been a fixture here since we began the work, and to have her and my dad as a part of the ministry seems to be a divine appointment made so many years ago, fulfilled.
My entry here could go on and on (like it didn't, you say?) and I still couldn't tell all of the ways my mom has been an amazing example to me. I guess the greatest compliment I get is when someone tells me that I'm just like my mom, because I think she is just about the greatest person I know. Regardless of the tough times, our arguments, disagreements and spats - nothing has ever kept us from depending on each other. When the rubber meets the road and I'm really in trouble, she is always there to offer encouragement, advice and help - if only I would take it! I'm proud to say that I learned to accept help as an adult. It makes you much more mature than to fail because you were too proud to admit you didn't know what to do, or made a bad decision and didn't want to get caught in it. I pray that my children will always feel the freedom to come to me with their problems, and that together, with Gods help - we can get through them.
Lord, like so many other people, thank you for sending me the best mom in the world. With all my hurt and suffering, it took someone so special to be my mom through all of that. Thank you for not only making us mother and daughter, but for making us friends - in You. Bless her, heal her body and strengthen her in every way. Bring her the joy of her salvation one more time, and give us what we need, only for the day. Thank you for knowing the kind of mom I would need, and for giving her to me.
I love you mom!
Monday, February 18, 2013
My Uncles~
Today I am grateful for...
Growing up, 2 of my uncles were also Elders in my church, and one was the Pastor. I only mention this, because from my youngest days, I can remember the time during every service when anyone desiring prayer for sickness was asked to come forward, to be anointed and prayed over. I placed myself in that line at every single opportunity. When it was my turn at the altar, they wouldn't need to ask for what I needed prayer - they knew. They would anoint my head and lay hands on my, asking God to heal my body of the Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis that has racked my body since the age of 2. They would finish praying, and I would return to my seat...still in pain. As I got older, and the disease progressed, I would often miss service due to extreme pain and swelling. Some nights the pain was unbearable, and sleep was not to be had. I could still call these awesome men of God, and no matter the time of night, they would begin to pray for me, until the crisis passed, and I could rest.
I've also got a great-uncle (I know, they are all probably thinking, "I am great!", but I'm talking relationship status...my mom's uncle = my great-uncle) who played a very important role in my life after 20 and before 30. He saw me through tough physical and spiritual times, and became a constant companion of my mother and I. We travelled out east, all the way to New Brunswick, Canada - to the homestead where our family is from. He told us wonderful stories of his youth, and even the years before he was born. He is an expert on family history, and if you have a question about the relationship of someone in our family, if anyone has the answer, Uncle William does!
And as far as my "uncles" minus the blood relation...the Lord has given me a few of those as well, Men of God that I admire, look up to, and feel confident to ask for direction, instruction, advice and even correction. It's like a dad without the rules!
I just couldn't ignore the men in my life - because I have been so very blessed by their sacrifices on my behalf...so, to the following uncles and "uncles", I say thank you, I love you and you are appreciated!
Uncle David Porter, Uncle Wayne Parent, Uncle Bryan Parent, Great-Uncle William Parent,
"Uncle" Ron Pimpleton, and to Uncle Rodger Mangold, until we meet again!
UNCLES
As I look back over the posts I've written, I re-read all the posts about my aunts, and my aunties..there is a distinct difference, though one is not above the other! However, as I thought about them, my mind immediately went to most of their husbands, my uncles. I do have some "uncles" in my life with whom I do not share blood, but a bond stronger - that of the blood of Jesus. Growing up, 2 of my uncles were also Elders in my church, and one was the Pastor. I only mention this, because from my youngest days, I can remember the time during every service when anyone desiring prayer for sickness was asked to come forward, to be anointed and prayed over. I placed myself in that line at every single opportunity. When it was my turn at the altar, they wouldn't need to ask for what I needed prayer - they knew. They would anoint my head and lay hands on my, asking God to heal my body of the Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis that has racked my body since the age of 2. They would finish praying, and I would return to my seat...still in pain. As I got older, and the disease progressed, I would often miss service due to extreme pain and swelling. Some nights the pain was unbearable, and sleep was not to be had. I could still call these awesome men of God, and no matter the time of night, they would begin to pray for me, until the crisis passed, and I could rest.
I've also got a great-uncle (I know, they are all probably thinking, "I am great!", but I'm talking relationship status...my mom's uncle = my great-uncle) who played a very important role in my life after 20 and before 30. He saw me through tough physical and spiritual times, and became a constant companion of my mother and I. We travelled out east, all the way to New Brunswick, Canada - to the homestead where our family is from. He told us wonderful stories of his youth, and even the years before he was born. He is an expert on family history, and if you have a question about the relationship of someone in our family, if anyone has the answer, Uncle William does!
And as far as my "uncles" minus the blood relation...the Lord has given me a few of those as well, Men of God that I admire, look up to, and feel confident to ask for direction, instruction, advice and even correction. It's like a dad without the rules!
I just couldn't ignore the men in my life - because I have been so very blessed by their sacrifices on my behalf...so, to the following uncles and "uncles", I say thank you, I love you and you are appreciated!
Uncle David Porter, Uncle Wayne Parent, Uncle Bryan Parent, Great-Uncle William Parent,
"Uncle" Ron Pimpleton, and to Uncle Rodger Mangold, until we meet again!
Sunday, February 17, 2013
for family...
Today I am grateful for...
She made a comment that just encouraged my heart, and I don't even know if she realized it - but it was something her dad and I worked so hard at instilling in all of our kids - and it was rewarding to see that we did. She said "I just want to try to cultivate relationships with all of my family, and have peace." That was something Jeff and I felt was very important, and we worked very hard at while the children were growing up. We always made it a priority to attend any and every family event (as long as we were invited, of course!) - regardless of what "branch" of the family tree. From Christmas to birthdays, and weddings to baby showers, if it was someone who loved our children, and they were willing to pour good and positive things into them - that was all that mattered.
One (of many)sad side effects of divorce for the children, is the loss of the relationships due to the feelings of the adults involved. Thankfully, our children have been blessed with family who were willing to put the past aside, and just love on them.
One (of not nearly so many) happy side effects of divorce, is that when there is a re-marriage, there is the blessing of the addition of more family to love our kids. Thankfully, my extended family received our children with open arms, and as their own...there is no "step" involved. From baptism to birthdays, from graduations to weddings...my family comes out to support our children too- regardless of the distance!
I'm so glad to see that this continues into Julie's adulthood, by the facebook posts from family, encouraging her on to victory in whatever she is attempting. Or giving her Godly wisdom to help her make a decision So many parents today do not instill the importance of family into their children - and some actually do quite the contrary. I hear about family "disowning" one another over something as silly as an argument or difference of opinion, or worst of all, the almighty dollar! Family is family, and no matter what happened in the past, those family ties should remain intact.
I'm not so naive as to ignore the fact that sometimes removing oneself from a dysfunctional family is the healthy thing to do. Not by a longshot. Unfortunately, I have personally had to do this with some family members who were not a positive influence, and just seemed to have the need to cause dissention and confusion. The Word tells me that God is not the Author of confusion, so if there is confusion regarding a situation, I do what I need to do to remove myself from it.
I'm a firm believer that because this is a reality for so many people, God has seen fit to place a church "family" into our lives. The presence of a family of believers, standing next to me, and holding me up through the tough times is a miracle and a gift from God. Where I've had to say good-bye to certain "blood relatives", through Christ, I've gained "relatives by The Blood".
Whatever our family ends up to be - a mix of blood relatives and family through Jesus Christ - I know that it is exactly what God meant it to be. It is our sincere prayer that Joe is also able to follow our teaching and example, and not only reach out, but receive what God has for him through whatever family chooses to be a part of his life.
FAMILY
I know that many of my posts were about a specific family member, and I'm obviously blessed with an abundance of amazing family. However, after a visit with my daughter, Julie yesterday, I began to think about all of the family that is in her life...and what it takes to overcome the sting and pain of divorce, for the best interest of the children.
Yesterday, I had the pleasure of sitting with Julie for lunch and a visit. As she filled me in on her and Nate's lives, and their hopes and ideas for the immediate future, I was encouraged by the way she spoke of family.
She made a comment that just encouraged my heart, and I don't even know if she realized it - but it was something her dad and I worked so hard at instilling in all of our kids - and it was rewarding to see that we did. She said "I just want to try to cultivate relationships with all of my family, and have peace." That was something Jeff and I felt was very important, and we worked very hard at while the children were growing up. We always made it a priority to attend any and every family event (as long as we were invited, of course!) - regardless of what "branch" of the family tree. From Christmas to birthdays, and weddings to baby showers, if it was someone who loved our children, and they were willing to pour good and positive things into them - that was all that mattered.
One (of many)sad side effects of divorce for the children, is the loss of the relationships due to the feelings of the adults involved. Thankfully, our children have been blessed with family who were willing to put the past aside, and just love on them.
One (of not nearly so many) happy side effects of divorce, is that when there is a re-marriage, there is the blessing of the addition of more family to love our kids. Thankfully, my extended family received our children with open arms, and as their own...there is no "step" involved. From baptism to birthdays, from graduations to weddings...my family comes out to support our children too- regardless of the distance!
I'm so glad to see that this continues into Julie's adulthood, by the facebook posts from family, encouraging her on to victory in whatever she is attempting. Or giving her Godly wisdom to help her make a decision So many parents today do not instill the importance of family into their children - and some actually do quite the contrary. I hear about family "disowning" one another over something as silly as an argument or difference of opinion, or worst of all, the almighty dollar! Family is family, and no matter what happened in the past, those family ties should remain intact.
I'm not so naive as to ignore the fact that sometimes removing oneself from a dysfunctional family is the healthy thing to do. Not by a longshot. Unfortunately, I have personally had to do this with some family members who were not a positive influence, and just seemed to have the need to cause dissention and confusion. The Word tells me that God is not the Author of confusion, so if there is confusion regarding a situation, I do what I need to do to remove myself from it.
I'm a firm believer that because this is a reality for so many people, God has seen fit to place a church "family" into our lives. The presence of a family of believers, standing next to me, and holding me up through the tough times is a miracle and a gift from God. Where I've had to say good-bye to certain "blood relatives", through Christ, I've gained "relatives by The Blood".
Whatever our family ends up to be - a mix of blood relatives and family through Jesus Christ - I know that it is exactly what God meant it to be. It is our sincere prayer that Joe is also able to follow our teaching and example, and not only reach out, but receive what God has for him through whatever family chooses to be a part of his life.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
to be continued...
So, technically, last nights entry was to be my last "gratitude" entry. Funny how the Lord didn't stop bringing people to my mind, just because the required number of days had passed. It was my intent to do the gratitude blog for 20 days, as part of a fast with my church - Shekinah Chrisitan Ministries.
What I learned was that I have much more to be grateful for than I really realized, and that I am blessed and highly favored with people who not only love me, but serve me, uplift me, encourage me, pray for me, hold me accountable, and minister to me. The Lord has placed me and my family smack dab in the center of the most amazing group of individuals that we could have ever hoped for. From our biological family, to our church family, to our DeColores family - we are blessed with more friends than we could have ever imagined. It took a small committment on my part, just to let those folks for whom I am grateful, know that I am grateful for them, for the Lord to open my eyes to the massive community of believers I have to call on in times of need or trouble.
I pray that as I continue to write my entries, the Lord will bless those I am writing about. I never want to seem ungrateful for the many, many friends He has blessed me with. As I look back at the 21 days of entries, I realize that I have only scratched the surface of my gratitude list.
So, for that reason - I will pick up again tomorrow, and as often as I can thereafter, until I have exhausted my gratitude list. If you want to see a change in your life, make the committment to start being more grateful. Whether you choose to send a hand written note, as my pastor's wife, Ms. Coretta did when she issued her challenge, or you choose to write a blog, or a traditional journal to the folks you are grateful for - you will be surprised at how many people start coming to your mind, and you'll be overwhelmed by the fact that it took something like this to help you realize how very blessed you really are.
At least that's what it has done for me...wonder what it will do for you? I throw down the gauntlet...who will pick it up?
What I learned was that I have much more to be grateful for than I really realized, and that I am blessed and highly favored with people who not only love me, but serve me, uplift me, encourage me, pray for me, hold me accountable, and minister to me. The Lord has placed me and my family smack dab in the center of the most amazing group of individuals that we could have ever hoped for. From our biological family, to our church family, to our DeColores family - we are blessed with more friends than we could have ever imagined. It took a small committment on my part, just to let those folks for whom I am grateful, know that I am grateful for them, for the Lord to open my eyes to the massive community of believers I have to call on in times of need or trouble.
I pray that as I continue to write my entries, the Lord will bless those I am writing about. I never want to seem ungrateful for the many, many friends He has blessed me with. As I look back at the 21 days of entries, I realize that I have only scratched the surface of my gratitude list.
So, for that reason - I will pick up again tomorrow, and as often as I can thereafter, until I have exhausted my gratitude list. If you want to see a change in your life, make the committment to start being more grateful. Whether you choose to send a hand written note, as my pastor's wife, Ms. Coretta did when she issued her challenge, or you choose to write a blog, or a traditional journal to the folks you are grateful for - you will be surprised at how many people start coming to your mind, and you'll be overwhelmed by the fact that it took something like this to help you realize how very blessed you really are.
At least that's what it has done for me...wonder what it will do for you? I throw down the gauntlet...who will pick it up?
Friday, February 15, 2013
our children...
Today I am grateful for...
Justin Milner ~ Julie Gilbert ~ Joseph Milner
Justin Milner ~ Julie Gilbert ~ Joseph Milner
Since my mom and I had to travel to Detroit on Thursday and I had no internet access, I wasn't able to do my blog last night. However, I was preparing for writing this one, because it will most likely be one of the most difficult. I've actually been contemplating this entry since I began writing this "grateful" blog. It has taken me all this time to be able to put my feelings about our children into words.
Also, this should be my last, as my intent was for 20 days of journaling, however, the Lord has continued to lay people on my heart, and I intend to be obedient...so, until I'm done, you'll be reading about more of the folks I am grateful for.
Our children...
Also, this should be my last, as my intent was for 20 days of journaling, however, the Lord has continued to lay people on my heart, and I intend to be obedient...so, until I'm done, you'll be reading about more of the folks I am grateful for.
Our children...
First: As most folks who know us, know (and some may find out here): I did not give birth to these children...but I really do not think I could love them any more if I had. We became a part of each others lives in 2003, and I officially became their "step-mom" in 2004. We have spent a decade getting to know each other, and for the younger 2, this means more than half their lifetime so far.
Justin is our oldest, and at 24 years old, he has accomplished a great deal more than most his age...and even some older. When I think about him, I can't help but admire how talented he is with his hands. I'm so not surprised by this, because between his father, and both grandfathers (Grandpa Eagle and Grandpa Milner) he has had some excellent instruction and mentors. I'm sure he's learned from a great many others as well, but I believe his love of "taking apart and putting together" must at least stem from those 3 men. He is a homeowner, and has been for quite a few years. Calling the house he bought a "fixer-upper" or a "handyman's dream" would be an understatement - and I'm pretty sure he'd agree! He, and his wonderful girlfriend, Nicole, have made the house, a home. Doing all of the work themselves, all the while BOTH working at full-time (and then some) jobs. I remember the look of pride on his father's face when we came bearing gifts one birthday - and what does one buy for young people who are doing renovations? WALLBOARD, what else? As Justin took his dad through the house and started to show hime what needed to be done, as well as what had been done, Jeff's look of pride and joy was like a neon light in the room. Whenever we have needed help with things around our house, Justin could always be counted on to step up and do what he could. I recall a moment of panic when we were preparing for our roadtrip to California. The Friday before we planned to leave on Monday - the water pump just quit! We knew we couldn't leave it in that state for almost a month, but how were we going to pay for a new pump AND for someone to install it on such short notice AND on the weekend? Jeff placed his first, and only call to his oldest son, and after work that afternoon, he showed up, ready to take a look. It was beyond repair, but he promised if we purchased a new one, he would return on Saturday to install it. True to his word, Justin and Nicole showed up, toolbox in hand, and ready to go. A few hours later, the water was pumping and we were enjoying Subway and laughing...and a job well done - as the pump still pumps as we speak.
This is just one small example of his kindness to us over the years, and we will always be grateful for his willing heart. He is not one to play games, or tell a person what they want to hear. Justin tells it like it is - like it or not...and he comes by that trait honestly! That is a refreshing attribute in these days where people will just tell you what you want to hear so they can get what they want from you. Justin has worked hard for what he has, and isn't that child with his hand out for help everytime something goes wrong. Even when we hear about things he may need help with, Justin is reluctant to accept help from us. As his parents, though this might frustrate us because it is our JOB to help...it also makes us proud to see that he is self reliant and self sufficient. We only wish that there was more time that we could spend together, but right now, we understand that Justin's priorities are keeping him focused and on the track to a successful adulthood. For that, and so many other things, we are very proud of him, we love him, and more than anything, we miss him. We pray he knows.
My beautful Julie...where do you start with one who shares your very heart? My first glimpse of this little pixie with long, blonde (not too straight...nice try, Dad!)braids and big, hazel eyes, was the day I knew my heart was no longer mine...at least not all of it. This little girl stole a great big piece of it! There are so many stories of good times spent together, having wonderful times and enjoying the process of becoming a family. Likewise, there are porbably just as many sad stories of tough times, tears and frustration of becoming a family. The term "blended" family fits - because some of the time we were whipped around in a frenzy, not knowing what was happening, and having no control of when it would end. The beatiful thing was , the tough times ALWAYS ended...and ended with us becoming even closer than we were before. One such season stands out, and that was the year that Jeff and I made the difficult decision to hoomeschool Julie...when I say tough, I mean TOUGH! And when I say Jeff and I homeschooled her, I mean I homeschooled her! It all started at the beginning of 10th grade, with a bully and a guest teacher fresh out of college. Anyone who knows Julie, knows that child goes to school sick because there is a big test to take. She doesn't miss for ANYTHING. Well, when she started to miss because of "stomach aches" with no other symptoms, and came home in tears on a regular basis, we knew something was up. Unfortunately, the school was little help, and we had NO INTENTION of subjecting our daughter to this bullying for even one more day. We purchased all her text books and starting in November, I became "Amy Milner...teacher". Thankfully, we had friends (namely, The Kirksey's) who homeschooled their children, with plenty of wisdom from which we could glean . I was more scared than I ever let on (I hope), and I think Julie was a little apprehensive as well. We would be spending our weeks together - pretty much 24/7...what would this do to our relationship? As the days and weeks went by, we found our footing and our rhythm and homeschooling became normal in our house. Just as I had hoped and prayed for, this time drew us closer and closer together. Since she only had to do her 4 core curriculum at home, we could add some additional things to her education that public schools have long since abandoned. First - we added a devotions and bible time, to go along with her piano lessons. We learned a great deal together, and spent time in prayer most days. We also incorporated Home Economics...a now extinct course of study in our public schools (at least at Reeths-Puffer) and yet, so very necessary. Part of her time was spent learning to clean at Grandma Milner's , where she also earned an hourly wage. I'm pretty sure there was more time chatting than cleaning, but it made Grandma happy to have her, it made Julie happy to be learning something and earning some cash, and I was just happy because they were both happy! Julie's time at home also gave us lots of time to talk and share things and even travel a bit. We were able to make some quick trips to Detroit to visit family, and since we made it a "geography lesson" nobody got marked absent! By the time the year was coming to a close, we knew our decision to homeschool Julie had been a good one. She was more confident and secure in her own skin than ever before. She wasn't one of those caddy girls making other girls lives miserable just because they can. We let her make the decision as to whether or not she wished to return to school, or stay a student of "Milner Academy". As we were pretty confident she would, Julie chose to go backto RPHS in the fall. Her bully had since been expelled, or quit..I can't recall which..but he was gone. And I really don't think it would have mattered if he was still there. Our daughter had become strong, independent and a force to be reckoned with. We packed up her year's worth of schoolwork, tests and projects, and delivered them to Mr. Beckemen - principal at RPHS. When Julie received her report card, I was as excited as she was...WE PASSED EVERYTHING!! While we were proud she had made the decision to return to school in the fall, I was a little sad to see my student move on...I had grown to look forward to our days together, because in the end, it wasn't just I who taught her. Not by a longshot. Julie taught me more in that short school year than I had learned about her since the day I met her. I think it was then that our relationship became a bond...that of mother and daughter - regardless of blood type!
Joseph...Joey...Joe...our baby, and now - the only child at home. Joe was just a mere 4 years old when we met. By the time Jeff and I had married, he had turned 5. Getting to know Joey was an exercise in patience! Just when I think I had him figured out, he opened his mouth one more time! My mom recently told me the story of their first encounter. Jeff had brought the children to Romulus to visit a few times while we dated, so that we could all get to know each other. It was very important to both of us that the children were as involved with our relationship as we were, and that we all liked each other. Our year of courtship never included a dinner for 2! Nope - we were party of 4 at every event, and I wouldn't have changed it for the world. Jeff and I must have been in a different room at the time, because I know I wasn't privy to this conversation. My mom decided to put a video in for Joey to watch, in the hopes he might stop getting into everything and BE QUIET! She asked him what kind of videos and movies he liked, and without missing a beat he replied, "I only watch movies rated R or higher". "Well, then" Grandma A replied, "I guess you're gonna be pretty bored here, because we only have rated PG and lower!" Joey had established his "tough guy" personality at the age of 4! I'd like to say things got easier after we were married...but I'd be lying. I brought structure and stability...Joey enjoyed chaos and destruction. TV, his once constant companion, became a privilege to be earned by doing homework and chores. No more tv till the bus came, tv after school and tv till bed time and tv in bed. I took Joey's best friend away and relegated them spending no more than one hour a day together. Homework, you say? "Well, dad never asked if I had any, so I never did any"...as was evident by his inability to spell his name or even read the simplest of text books. So we jumped in with both feet and did the hard work - together. From the start of 2nd grade, Joey was in the lowest reading group in the class, and was one of the most challenged readers in that group. By the time he was ready for 3rd grade and Jeff and I sat in front of Ms. Nash during conferences, Joey had worked his way to highest reading group in the class - and was the classes top reader. That year was filled with tears and frustration...and Joey cried too! But I saw a little boy who was just desperate for the attention he was now receiving, blossoming into a young man gaining confidence day by day. Each year of elementary and intermediate school thereafter, Joey was on the honor roll, and earned student of the month multiple times. A very poigniant moment for me, was when Joey came to me on Mother's Day, after church. The church we were then attending had honored all the mother's by asking them to stand and giving each a carnation. When we arrived home and were getting ready for lunch, Joey approached me and with all the love in his eyes he said, "I think I want to start calling you mom, k"? Shock, surprise, joy...just a few of the emotions that pulsed through me at the moment. We had been told from the very beginning of our relationship that the children should always decide what to call thier step-parent, and should never be forced to call them anything that they were not comfortable with. Our kids had all called me Amy from the start...and that was fine with me. We never discussed the topic at all. Over the next few weeks, Joey experimented with remembering to call me "mom". After a few minor slips, mom became the norm, and I've been so ever since. What brings us more joy than his progress in education however, is his desire to serve the Lord. From his young days in Sunday school where his teachers would come to us and say "did you know that Joey gave $10 in the offering today"? because he had received a birthday card with cash in it, to his most recent service as a Deco TEC "talkista" where the adults - one after the other - came to his dad and I with compliments, saying, "you should be so proud of your son - he is truly a servant of the Most High." Words that make all the tough parenting times worth it!
So, our children - hardly just scratching the surface about them here...but I'm saving some of my memories just for myself. Who knew, when doctors told me all those years ago that I would never have children, that I would one day, be the proudest of mothers? The Lord knew that even though they needed me, I really needed them just as much.
Justin, Julie and Joe - I love you with all my heart. I am grateful that the Lord brought us together in such a unique and miraculous way. I pray God's protection over each of you, every single day. I hope you know how proud your dad and I are of you, and how we look forward to what the next season of all of our lives will bring.
Our beautiful children...in 2009 and again in 2012!
Nicole, Justin, Julie & Joe
Justin is our oldest, and at 24 years old, he has accomplished a great deal more than most his age...and even some older. When I think about him, I can't help but admire how talented he is with his hands. I'm so not surprised by this, because between his father, and both grandfathers (Grandpa Eagle and Grandpa Milner) he has had some excellent instruction and mentors. I'm sure he's learned from a great many others as well, but I believe his love of "taking apart and putting together" must at least stem from those 3 men. He is a homeowner, and has been for quite a few years. Calling the house he bought a "fixer-upper" or a "handyman's dream" would be an understatement - and I'm pretty sure he'd agree! He, and his wonderful girlfriend, Nicole, have made the house, a home. Doing all of the work themselves, all the while BOTH working at full-time (and then some) jobs. I remember the look of pride on his father's face when we came bearing gifts one birthday - and what does one buy for young people who are doing renovations? WALLBOARD, what else? As Justin took his dad through the house and started to show hime what needed to be done, as well as what had been done, Jeff's look of pride and joy was like a neon light in the room. Whenever we have needed help with things around our house, Justin could always be counted on to step up and do what he could. I recall a moment of panic when we were preparing for our roadtrip to California. The Friday before we planned to leave on Monday - the water pump just quit! We knew we couldn't leave it in that state for almost a month, but how were we going to pay for a new pump AND for someone to install it on such short notice AND on the weekend? Jeff placed his first, and only call to his oldest son, and after work that afternoon, he showed up, ready to take a look. It was beyond repair, but he promised if we purchased a new one, he would return on Saturday to install it. True to his word, Justin and Nicole showed up, toolbox in hand, and ready to go. A few hours later, the water was pumping and we were enjoying Subway and laughing...and a job well done - as the pump still pumps as we speak.
This is just one small example of his kindness to us over the years, and we will always be grateful for his willing heart. He is not one to play games, or tell a person what they want to hear. Justin tells it like it is - like it or not...and he comes by that trait honestly! That is a refreshing attribute in these days where people will just tell you what you want to hear so they can get what they want from you. Justin has worked hard for what he has, and isn't that child with his hand out for help everytime something goes wrong. Even when we hear about things he may need help with, Justin is reluctant to accept help from us. As his parents, though this might frustrate us because it is our JOB to help...it also makes us proud to see that he is self reliant and self sufficient. We only wish that there was more time that we could spend together, but right now, we understand that Justin's priorities are keeping him focused and on the track to a successful adulthood. For that, and so many other things, we are very proud of him, we love him, and more than anything, we miss him. We pray he knows.
My beautful Julie...where do you start with one who shares your very heart? My first glimpse of this little pixie with long, blonde (not too straight...nice try, Dad!)braids and big, hazel eyes, was the day I knew my heart was no longer mine...at least not all of it. This little girl stole a great big piece of it! There are so many stories of good times spent together, having wonderful times and enjoying the process of becoming a family. Likewise, there are porbably just as many sad stories of tough times, tears and frustration of becoming a family. The term "blended" family fits - because some of the time we were whipped around in a frenzy, not knowing what was happening, and having no control of when it would end. The beatiful thing was , the tough times ALWAYS ended...and ended with us becoming even closer than we were before. One such season stands out, and that was the year that Jeff and I made the difficult decision to hoomeschool Julie...when I say tough, I mean TOUGH! And when I say Jeff and I homeschooled her, I mean I homeschooled her! It all started at the beginning of 10th grade, with a bully and a guest teacher fresh out of college. Anyone who knows Julie, knows that child goes to school sick because there is a big test to take. She doesn't miss for ANYTHING. Well, when she started to miss because of "stomach aches" with no other symptoms, and came home in tears on a regular basis, we knew something was up. Unfortunately, the school was little help, and we had NO INTENTION of subjecting our daughter to this bullying for even one more day. We purchased all her text books and starting in November, I became "Amy Milner...teacher". Thankfully, we had friends (namely, The Kirksey's) who homeschooled their children, with plenty of wisdom from which we could glean . I was more scared than I ever let on (I hope), and I think Julie was a little apprehensive as well. We would be spending our weeks together - pretty much 24/7...what would this do to our relationship? As the days and weeks went by, we found our footing and our rhythm and homeschooling became normal in our house. Just as I had hoped and prayed for, this time drew us closer and closer together. Since she only had to do her 4 core curriculum at home, we could add some additional things to her education that public schools have long since abandoned. First - we added a devotions and bible time, to go along with her piano lessons. We learned a great deal together, and spent time in prayer most days. We also incorporated Home Economics...a now extinct course of study in our public schools (at least at Reeths-Puffer) and yet, so very necessary. Part of her time was spent learning to clean at Grandma Milner's , where she also earned an hourly wage. I'm pretty sure there was more time chatting than cleaning, but it made Grandma happy to have her, it made Julie happy to be learning something and earning some cash, and I was just happy because they were both happy! Julie's time at home also gave us lots of time to talk and share things and even travel a bit. We were able to make some quick trips to Detroit to visit family, and since we made it a "geography lesson" nobody got marked absent! By the time the year was coming to a close, we knew our decision to homeschool Julie had been a good one. She was more confident and secure in her own skin than ever before. She wasn't one of those caddy girls making other girls lives miserable just because they can. We let her make the decision as to whether or not she wished to return to school, or stay a student of "Milner Academy". As we were pretty confident she would, Julie chose to go backto RPHS in the fall. Her bully had since been expelled, or quit..I can't recall which..but he was gone. And I really don't think it would have mattered if he was still there. Our daughter had become strong, independent and a force to be reckoned with. We packed up her year's worth of schoolwork, tests and projects, and delivered them to Mr. Beckemen - principal at RPHS. When Julie received her report card, I was as excited as she was...WE PASSED EVERYTHING!! While we were proud she had made the decision to return to school in the fall, I was a little sad to see my student move on...I had grown to look forward to our days together, because in the end, it wasn't just I who taught her. Not by a longshot. Julie taught me more in that short school year than I had learned about her since the day I met her. I think it was then that our relationship became a bond...that of mother and daughter - regardless of blood type!
Joseph...Joey...Joe...our baby, and now - the only child at home. Joe was just a mere 4 years old when we met. By the time Jeff and I had married, he had turned 5. Getting to know Joey was an exercise in patience! Just when I think I had him figured out, he opened his mouth one more time! My mom recently told me the story of their first encounter. Jeff had brought the children to Romulus to visit a few times while we dated, so that we could all get to know each other. It was very important to both of us that the children were as involved with our relationship as we were, and that we all liked each other. Our year of courtship never included a dinner for 2! Nope - we were party of 4 at every event, and I wouldn't have changed it for the world. Jeff and I must have been in a different room at the time, because I know I wasn't privy to this conversation. My mom decided to put a video in for Joey to watch, in the hopes he might stop getting into everything and BE QUIET! She asked him what kind of videos and movies he liked, and without missing a beat he replied, "I only watch movies rated R or higher". "Well, then" Grandma A replied, "I guess you're gonna be pretty bored here, because we only have rated PG and lower!" Joey had established his "tough guy" personality at the age of 4! I'd like to say things got easier after we were married...but I'd be lying. I brought structure and stability...Joey enjoyed chaos and destruction. TV, his once constant companion, became a privilege to be earned by doing homework and chores. No more tv till the bus came, tv after school and tv till bed time and tv in bed. I took Joey's best friend away and relegated them spending no more than one hour a day together. Homework, you say? "Well, dad never asked if I had any, so I never did any"...as was evident by his inability to spell his name or even read the simplest of text books. So we jumped in with both feet and did the hard work - together. From the start of 2nd grade, Joey was in the lowest reading group in the class, and was one of the most challenged readers in that group. By the time he was ready for 3rd grade and Jeff and I sat in front of Ms. Nash during conferences, Joey had worked his way to highest reading group in the class - and was the classes top reader. That year was filled with tears and frustration...and Joey cried too! But I saw a little boy who was just desperate for the attention he was now receiving, blossoming into a young man gaining confidence day by day. Each year of elementary and intermediate school thereafter, Joey was on the honor roll, and earned student of the month multiple times. A very poigniant moment for me, was when Joey came to me on Mother's Day, after church. The church we were then attending had honored all the mother's by asking them to stand and giving each a carnation. When we arrived home and were getting ready for lunch, Joey approached me and with all the love in his eyes he said, "I think I want to start calling you mom, k"? Shock, surprise, joy...just a few of the emotions that pulsed through me at the moment. We had been told from the very beginning of our relationship that the children should always decide what to call thier step-parent, and should never be forced to call them anything that they were not comfortable with. Our kids had all called me Amy from the start...and that was fine with me. We never discussed the topic at all. Over the next few weeks, Joey experimented with remembering to call me "mom". After a few minor slips, mom became the norm, and I've been so ever since. What brings us more joy than his progress in education however, is his desire to serve the Lord. From his young days in Sunday school where his teachers would come to us and say "did you know that Joey gave $10 in the offering today"? because he had received a birthday card with cash in it, to his most recent service as a Deco TEC "talkista" where the adults - one after the other - came to his dad and I with compliments, saying, "you should be so proud of your son - he is truly a servant of the Most High." Words that make all the tough parenting times worth it!
So, our children - hardly just scratching the surface about them here...but I'm saving some of my memories just for myself. Who knew, when doctors told me all those years ago that I would never have children, that I would one day, be the proudest of mothers? The Lord knew that even though they needed me, I really needed them just as much.
Justin, Julie and Joe - I love you with all my heart. I am grateful that the Lord brought us together in such a unique and miraculous way. I pray God's protection over each of you, every single day. I hope you know how proud your dad and I are of you, and how we look forward to what the next season of all of our lives will bring.
Our beautiful children...in 2009 and again in 2012!
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Steven Anderson
Today I am grateful for...
Steve is my older brother, and someone I look up to a great deal.
Steve is the oldest of the 4 Anderson children, and was therefore, the favorite. I want that established now and well - Everybody loves Steven the best. That being said, our childhood was pretty idyllic. We grew up on Harrison Street, where every house on our block had a young family similar to ours. There was never a lack of kids to play with, or things to do. These things were not electronic, or wireless, and it usually involved something homemade. Kids can have fun without electronic gadgets~
I can vividly remember his first day of kindergarten. I was devastated to lose my playmate for 4 hours a day. I watched him get on the bus, and I fell asleep on the coffee table awaiting his return.
Steven is 4 years my senior, so his friends were pretty much my first crushes..oh, Jimmy Thorburn..did you know when I fell down those basement stairs right in front of you, my embarrassment was beyond words?? They were over alot, and Nerf Basketball was a constant activity - right in the family room and kitchen. I can't count how many Nerf balls ended up in a pot of soup my mom was making at the time.
The summers were filled with baseball games in our backyard...Anderson Field. My dad even built a dug out. Since I was the only girl, I wasn't allowed to play. I was the bat girl. Fun. There would be 90 degree days and triple headers planned. It would take my mom yelling from the house for us all to come in and get cooled off for the boys to quit. Likewise, the winters were filled with snowforts and snowball fights. On a snow day, the beautiful white blanket that caused this beautiful event would be completely demolished by 10am. I still can't understand kids today..I see a snowday, and the snow never gets touched! Just as in the summer, my mom would drag us in, soaking wet and moments from hypothermia to thaw with hot chocolate. It didn't get better than our neighborhood in the 70's and 80's. It seemed to last forever...nobody moved away, and we all just kept getting older.
One very defining moment for Steven was his Junior year in high school. His best friend was murdered after school, in the hallway behind the locker rooms. Steve was there and saw it happen, and was there when his friend died. I remember coming home that day, I think my mom and I had been at a doctor appointment for me, because I had missed school. Steve was standing on the the front porch, covered in blood and looking like I had never seen before. The next few weeks in Romulus were a time of grief, sorrow and confusion. There were so many people who wanted to attend the funeral, that it was held in the high school auditorium. My dad was a minister at the time, and he officiated the service. How sad to see a group of strong, young wrestlers carry their teammates coffin. It really seemed unreal at the time.
Not more than 6 months later, it was our younger brother being buried. Once again, a defining moment for Steven, but also for all of my family. To this day, when I think back to remember any time period or event, I put it in one of two categories: Before Tommy died or after Tommy died. It's funny, because absolutely nothing happened in the months while he was sick. That was the focus of our lives, andeverything revolved around his cancer. It was more than difficult to say the least - but there have been many times in my life when I was able to share my story and know that it was doing something positive for the person I shared with...and that would have made Tommy happy.
We spent a good 10 years or so with little contact - he went off to college, then I went off to college, then he to a job, and I to a job, and we began te process of becoming independant adults. We would see each other at the required events,but no real relationship that we had on our own.
That has changed, and I am glad. Steven is pursuing ministry, and that makes me proud. After being brought up in a faith that required much of us, it was difficult not to try to see what the world had to offer. It was just as easy to realize the world had nothing to offer - only we had to figure that out on our own.
Steven is a wonderful husband and father, a business owner and a mentor. But he is an awesome brother, I'm proud to be his sister, and I love him.
Steve Anderson
Steve is my older brother, and someone I look up to a great deal.
Steve is the oldest of the 4 Anderson children, and was therefore, the favorite. I want that established now and well - Everybody loves Steven the best. That being said, our childhood was pretty idyllic. We grew up on Harrison Street, where every house on our block had a young family similar to ours. There was never a lack of kids to play with, or things to do. These things were not electronic, or wireless, and it usually involved something homemade. Kids can have fun without electronic gadgets~
I can vividly remember his first day of kindergarten. I was devastated to lose my playmate for 4 hours a day. I watched him get on the bus, and I fell asleep on the coffee table awaiting his return.
Steven is 4 years my senior, so his friends were pretty much my first crushes..oh, Jimmy Thorburn..did you know when I fell down those basement stairs right in front of you, my embarrassment was beyond words?? They were over alot, and Nerf Basketball was a constant activity - right in the family room and kitchen. I can't count how many Nerf balls ended up in a pot of soup my mom was making at the time.
The summers were filled with baseball games in our backyard...Anderson Field. My dad even built a dug out. Since I was the only girl, I wasn't allowed to play. I was the bat girl. Fun. There would be 90 degree days and triple headers planned. It would take my mom yelling from the house for us all to come in and get cooled off for the boys to quit. Likewise, the winters were filled with snowforts and snowball fights. On a snow day, the beautiful white blanket that caused this beautiful event would be completely demolished by 10am. I still can't understand kids today..I see a snowday, and the snow never gets touched! Just as in the summer, my mom would drag us in, soaking wet and moments from hypothermia to thaw with hot chocolate. It didn't get better than our neighborhood in the 70's and 80's. It seemed to last forever...nobody moved away, and we all just kept getting older.
One very defining moment for Steven was his Junior year in high school. His best friend was murdered after school, in the hallway behind the locker rooms. Steve was there and saw it happen, and was there when his friend died. I remember coming home that day, I think my mom and I had been at a doctor appointment for me, because I had missed school. Steve was standing on the the front porch, covered in blood and looking like I had never seen before. The next few weeks in Romulus were a time of grief, sorrow and confusion. There were so many people who wanted to attend the funeral, that it was held in the high school auditorium. My dad was a minister at the time, and he officiated the service. How sad to see a group of strong, young wrestlers carry their teammates coffin. It really seemed unreal at the time.
Not more than 6 months later, it was our younger brother being buried. Once again, a defining moment for Steven, but also for all of my family. To this day, when I think back to remember any time period or event, I put it in one of two categories: Before Tommy died or after Tommy died. It's funny, because absolutely nothing happened in the months while he was sick. That was the focus of our lives, andeverything revolved around his cancer. It was more than difficult to say the least - but there have been many times in my life when I was able to share my story and know that it was doing something positive for the person I shared with...and that would have made Tommy happy.
We spent a good 10 years or so with little contact - he went off to college, then I went off to college, then he to a job, and I to a job, and we began te process of becoming independant adults. We would see each other at the required events,but no real relationship that we had on our own.
That has changed, and I am glad. Steven is pursuing ministry, and that makes me proud. After being brought up in a faith that required much of us, it was difficult not to try to see what the world had to offer. It was just as easy to realize the world had nothing to offer - only we had to figure that out on our own.
Steven is a wonderful husband and father, a business owner and a mentor. But he is an awesome brother, I'm proud to be his sister, and I love him.
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